All I can think about is the baby that I won’t have for another two years. I see pictures of babies and I get so pissed that people get to have babies but I don’t. Im trying not to let it get to me but the longing in my heart is just so overwhelming. I just feel like I need to have a baby. I don’t even care about finishing school anymore, I don’t care about having a career, all I want is my husband and my baby and a life away from Tucson. I hate having to be mature. I hate knowing that waiting is the best option. I KNOW that it’s better to wait. I GET IT. But, why? Why do we have to wait? Why cant I just..be like everyone else and stop school and have a baby? Bleh. I just hope that this next year goes by fast and that Mycl isn’t deployed next December and that everything goes as planned. Because all I want more than anything is to have a little baby by Mycl growing inside of my tummy. I have not wanted anything more in my life than this really and I really don’t understand why though. It truly makes my heart ache knowing I won’t be getting pregnant this month. I really need to forget this idea of having a baby somehow, but I just don’t know how to get over it. I just want Mycls baby. Sad face.